The Vanity in Victimization

The Vanity in Victimization

Very few people have learned my story of being physically and sexually abused in the past. In extreme transparency I open up about the dangers of falling into the trap of living in a state of victimization, and how powerfully Christ can redeem trauma by transformation.

Vanity manifests from victimization because your focus is only on YOU.

Your pain. Your burdens. Your unfairness.

Victimization breeds bitterness, resentment, a constant state of suffering, and completely prevents you from healing.

It becomes all consuming, exhausting, and isolating.

Instead of dealing with my trauma, I chose to repress it.

As a result this is what happened to me:

  • I longed for control in any area of my life because at one point it was robbed from me
  • I struggled to cope when things didn’t go as planned because I couldn’t function when control was taken from me
  • I built up walls that were once seen as “protection” that lead to defensiveness and victimization
  • I couldn’t sit still or have any “free time” in my life because it served as my outlet to compensate for actually processing my pain
  • There was little room for grace because any pain inflicted upon me convinced me to believe that person had to automatically be against me
  • When I was abandoned in my marriage, I had the prime opportunity to feed that deeply engraved victim role. Instead, God took hold of my heart and told me, “I’m going to use your pain as a trajectory”.

    See, I have refined you, though not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction. For my own sake, for my own sake, I do this. How can I let myself be defamed? I will not yield my glory to another.” Isaiah 48:10-11

    I realized there was something rooted within me that allowed me to always feel like the victim, and as if the world was falling apart every time control was ripped from me.

    I prayed for The Lord to reveal everything to me. In turn, through my dreams, He replayed my traumatic events before me that I fought for so long to run from. I finally had understanding.

    Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7

    I decided I was going to be done with being the victim, and choose to take the stand as a victor. I could stand confident as a victor because Christ already declared it into existence before me.

    I was a survivor. I was rescued. I was healed. All because I allowed Jesus to reveal the hidden root, and with open palms welcomed redemption to begin.

    Are you going to be the person who points the finger? Or are you going to fight to be the person who draws the circle? The circle that says, let me step back and examine ME.

    Develop an acceptance and awareness that each and every one of us is fallen and broken because of sin. We are not perfect, and that’s completely okay.

    What’s not okay is to blame someone else or the circumstances you’ve faced in your life for the state you choose to live in.

    Yes, I said choose. Because it’s our choice.

    People and situations are not responsible for how you respond.

    Tragedy can become a trajectory because of the power behind Christ’s mighty love for you.

    We can either be free and believe the truth that Christ will heal me, or succumb to the lie and blame the people or places around me.

    Our circumstances don’t define us when Christ defied our circumstances by His sacrifice on the cross.

    Stop living in the blame, and instead ask God to reveal how He can utilize you through your pain to bring glory back to HIS name!

    Yes, the trauma or pain you have endured be so dang difficult to fight through. Friends, remember there’s absolutely nothing you can’t do with Christ walking alongside you.

    Your pain will NEVER go to waste. Your pain has purpose.

    I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” Romans 8:18

    Once you shift the “why me?” to the “how can you use me?”, you will see freedom and healing and transform that victim into victory.

    Surrender before our mighty defender, and expectantly watch your beautiful transformation unfold right in front of you.

    Raw + Real

    Raw + Real

    Being a Christian isn’t about pretty, put-together, prayers.

    It’s raw. It’s real.

    Sometimes, if not most times, filled with the honest gut-wrenching tears.

    We live in this false pretense that it gets easier when you decide to become a believer.

    It’s easy to pull scripture + pour out truth when you’re not the one desperately grasping for an ounce of a breakthrough.

    It’s easy to say, “trust God” when you’re not the one hanging by the thread of only having “just God”.

    It’s easy to say, “I’m doing okay” to fight off the pride in humbly saying, “I honestly don’t know how to make it through another day”.

    But amidst the brutal, honest, tears, you end up being met by the God who knows exactly how to calm your fears.

    “Cast your cares on The Lord and he will sustain you; he will not let the righteous fall” Psalm 55:22

      The God who hears you.
      The God who sees you.
      The God who believes in you.

    Maybe right now you’re not okay.

    Maybe right now you need to hear it’s okay if you’re really not okay.

    But I will FIGHT to tell you, God with his goodness, mercy, and faithful heart never intends for you to stay that way.

    There will be a day your tears of mourning radically become transformed into tears of rejoicing and those that are adorning.

    Some days + nights you may find yourself clenching your Bible, and earnestly seeking a place to rest your head.

    My beautiful friend, it’s completely okay because it’s in the midst of the raw, real, dependence, you become a witness to experiencing His fulfillment of promises.

    “I have heard your prayers and seen your tears. I WILL heal you.” 2 Kings 20:5

    ————————————————————

    Many days + nights this was me.

    In full transparency, it still can be me.

    Your growth in The Lord shouldn’t make you more confident in self, but drive deeper the roots in dependence on God himself.

    I’m okay with this every once in a while being me, but Lord how I PRAISE YOU and THANK YOU for knowing you’ve set this captive 100% free.

    My prayer for you too, my friend, is to rejoice in the gift of freedom – freely gifted upon you, to heal you.

    Rock Bottom. The Brunt of Brokenness.

    Rock Bottom. The Brunt of Brokenness.

    When you hear the phrase “hit rock bottom” it’s fair to assume the context is one of negative connotation.

    Darkness. The lowest point. Excruciatingly painful. The end.

    In dealing with family, friends, or relationships where a loved one has strayed into a prodigal, it’s incredibly common you hear,

    “they’ll have to hit rock bottom at some point”

    But why?

    It’s a hopeful cry of desperation that they’ll come back around. Come back around as the old self they once were, or a completely new self – exceedingly better than before.

    Maybe at one point you were, or currently are, that prodigal.

    Is it not in our moments of desperation, where we literally have no deeper to fall, that we finally look up and cry out to Jesus that we need him, “now more than ever”? When you’re in a moment, or season, of hitting rock bottom it’s so easy to feel defeated.

    There’s no hope.
    No reason to carry on.
    You’ve finally messed up too much this time.
    There’s no way you can possibly redeem yourself.
    You’re unforgivable.
    You’re not worthy.
    You’re completely alone.

    What I find so fascinating about the term “rock bottom” is specifically the word, rock .

    Think about it – who is our ultimate rock? Jesus.

    It’s not surprising then when we hear testimonies of people who finally came to the end of themselves at rock bottom. In turn, they became completely transformed by Jesus.

    You have to believe, understand, and receive this truth: there is nothing you could do to destroy God’s plan for you. Jesus wants nothing more than to open his arms up to you, and welcome you home with merciful unending love and grace.

    “…but while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him, and kissed him. The son said to him, ‘ father, I have sinned against heaven and against you, I am no longer worthy to be your son’. But the father said to his servants, ‘quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet…for this son of mine was dead and is alive again, he was lost and is found.”  – Luke 14: 20-24

    Jesus eagerly anticipates the day you choose to look up in hope + truth instead of remain face down in the lie that your life is nothing but destitute.

    Rock bottom is finally putting an end to wrestling God, and creating a beginning of surrendering to God. What appears to be the end, in return, is an opportunity of a brand new beginning.

    ———————————————————————–

    Are you at rock bottom, friend?

    I’ll say this.

    I find freedom in rock bottom. While you may be in the brunt of your brokenness, you can fully trust that Jesus is going to fight to help you overcome + conquer this.

    Your brokenness, it doesn’t define you; it’s an opportunity to powerfully refine you.

    To heal you. To free you. To redeem you.

    “…I have heard your prayer and seen your tears; I will heal you.” – 2 Kings 20:5

    The lies the enemy has tried so hard to use to entangle you, have already been freely broken + defeated by the mighty Savior who died for you.

    I don’t know about you, but there’s no other solid ground I’d rather completely fall to my knees to – that of Jesus.

    My rock, my fortress, my defense.
    “The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” – Psalm 18:2

    It’s on that rock, whether on your knees or on your face…

    You will rise. You will stand. It’s only the beginning, not even near the end.

    You have a story God will use 100% for HIS glory. Choose to humbly submit. I promise you’ll be blessed by your testament.

    “…and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.” – Matthew 16:18